A Slacker’s Lesson in Promotion

FSF

1/ Someone once said “Writing is Showbusiness for the Shy”.

Events/talks/gigs to promote one’s paperbacks is quite a nice thing to do if you are a) young or b) young at heart or c) have tons of time or d) all of the above ideally. As I am having a déjà vu, this method is not commercially viable, sustainable or cost-efficient for me.

2/ Lessons from Satsuma:
In the good old days of the 90s and 00s, I was gigging with my band Satsuma and in those days people actually bought CDs. I know. At times we played to 5 people and at times 500. You would still put your 110% into it like every gig is your last ever gig. You could sell between 0 to 40 CDs per gig. If you don’t lose money per gig, you’re laughing.

3/ Highs:
Actual sales, new and old fans, actual gigs, photos shoots, stylists, cover design, interviews, excitement, adrenalin. Remember this is the only thing that the audience sees and wants to see.

4/ Lows (time, energy and costs):
Travel, the hours and hours in the rehearsal rooms, recording your EP, five hour sound checks, the travel time and journeys through every kind of weather, loading and unloading at all hours of night or day, flat tyres at 1 am in the icy rain. Nothing is quick, even when I was driving the van, which saves time and money for everybody else. All of this takes an astronomical amount of time and energy, which I no longer have due to having young children and two jobs and a few time-frittering hobbies.

5/ Sour grapes:
The only worse thing than being a complete non-success is a tiny bit of success because that lured us into the belief that there was hope in any of it and therefore more and more time, money and energy should be recycled and ploughed back into gigging and promotion. At some point the balance must have tipped because I was unable to write any more songs. You can burn out from promotion and marketing (and this is before social media). There is no end to it. As someone from the late Slacker generation which is of course in itself a total farce, I may still uphold an optimistic yet cynical view of promotion because I am still constantly figuring out what to do by doing.

6/ Lessons from Hong Kong:
“Yeah, whatever.” Said the Slacker. Despite being on the Unbound and the HK publisher’s conveyor belts, I cannot figure it out. There is no right or wrong. The HK guys say a different thing altogether from Unbound forum. Their view in one line: Forget social media. Stick to word of mouth. Have more parties, sell more books. If books don’t sell, write more books, have more parties. Wanna be a writer? Write more books. Wanna sell books? Write more books. Wanna win a prize? Write more books.

7/ Lessons from crowdfunding:

The Unbound publishing model works for the author because through crowdfunding an author already has shifted between 190 to 300 books. That is more books than you will sell at any gig!

The Brief Crowdfunding Pitch De-Brief

So you have pitched and now you are wondering how the hell did I do?

1. On the pitching letter. Make it pithy and make each one the best letter you ever wrote. If you know them v well, aim for the heart. Go deeper. Ask how Anna’s Grade V piano exam went and how James’ operation in July went for instance. This is to show you have a very good memory. A pitch is not a friendly email and a friendly email is not a pitch. Each pitch has to be tailor-made. The hello how are you is very impersonal and could be cut and pasted from another pitch. If you are close to them, then show them that this project is close to you by being specific. If you don’t know them very well, see this other post, Your Crowdfunding Pitch Letter.

2. On being ignored. Do not take it personally. It’s sales so it’s irritating for both seller and buyer. I understand what you’re going through, it’s very hard to stomach it. We have all suffered. “A moment of optimism will save you a hundred days of sorrow”- Chinese proverb

3. On rejections- it’s to do with courses for horses – naturally your own project is close to you but literally no one cares and no one is thinking about it.. E.g. 1 More than half of my close family on my mother’s side are all born again serious religious types. Why would/should they support my book about immorality and the life of excess in the west?! I respect them for that.
E.g. 2 You may have made the best banana cake in the world but if they don’t like bananas and/or they don’t like cake they will just not buy your product. There is no try before you buy. Therefore in your pitch you have to work out why they need to fund this project. It could be as simple as they like you and they want to support you. In fact I recall many instances where I end up buying some beauty product I don’t even want or like because I really like the seller and I bonded with her/him. Also eco, yes, sustainable, yes, ok whatever, I’ll just shut up and hand over my credit card. What usually sounds good is probably good.

4. It’s just statistics or a numbers game. If you ask 100 people to a party and thirty say yes then that’s not a bad return. If you increase that to a thousand and three hundred say yes then you’ve got it! It’s a party!

5. There is no 5. Just go back to the Thing about the moment of optimism.

Your Crowdfunding Pitch Letter

The letter needs to be pithy and to the point. Short direct pitches work better cos firstly people have no time and secondly they have no patience. It should be in three paragraphs only.

The first paragraph:

Introduce your product and what it is. Learn to cut out all that “how are you hope you’re well” nonsense. I was told that unless you can be specific about people’s children’s names, get straight to the point. They will sniff out the sales pitch so you might as well pitch. “Hi, I’ve written this book called “I am Dying Here” about blah blah and I’m crowdfunding it with my publisher So and So.. etc ”

The second paragraph:

Explain why they should support you. It could be you know them or can find some connection between you as the seller and them as the buyer. It could be you don’t know them but you share an interest. You are identifying them as your tribe. Here is where creative writing is useful. You can say, I am poor, I am new. I have never done this but I am trying. There are so many reasons and you just have to be straightforward and honest and just pick maximum three. I am poor and I am new at this counts as two. You like banana cake? You like cake? Well I am selling banana cake. It is the best. You like post-punk clothes and accessories? Well actually I am selling post-punk clothes and accessories. Whatever it is that they are into, you must find it and tap in. Don’t think about yourself. Don’t think what you are into. Think what they are into.

The third paragraph:

Explain how they can support you. Give them the cheapest way they can support you and easily. Tell them that it starts at 10£ (as in my case crowdfunding my book). Forget the rest of the reward levels. Just forget it. Don’t try to upsell people when this is simply a consumer item. You are trying to get numbers as it is a numbers game. You are not selling a single luxury handbag for £6,000. This is a cheap thing. Most people I know have no money so why worry them that there are levels. If they have more than 10£ then great. They will give more once they trust you and your tactics. Trust is worth more than love. They don’t have to love you or your product but they must trust you in order to hand over cold hard cash or card.

Lastly, it’s not very obvious but think and write clearly. The clearer you think before you write the better your writing will be (this is true of all writing). Do not ever wander out of the context of the pitch. See also Your Crowdfunding Pitch De-Brief.

If you want me to check over your pitch, I will be happy to do so. Of course, I am no expert. No one is. They all learn from experience. Those who say they are experts are charlatans. They are selling snake oil. How can anyone be an expert when I just explained to you every single pitch is tailor-made, customised for each customer? No two customers are alike. Unless you are selling phone covers, no two creative products are alike. Would you think that as a customer you are exactly like someone else of a different age, gender, from somewhere else in the world? No! We are all unique. Therefore every pitch must be made unique and hit the heart and the mind of your intended customer with utmost precision.